Kidneys

12 down, 22 more to go.

On Tuesday, I went for the dreaded kidney procedure. To make things worse, I was not sedated. I had only local anestheisa. I could feel every single thing that the urologist was doing to my kidney. From pushing in the long tube to puncturing the kidney ( It went PooP 3 times!). It was such an ordeal. I was shaking like a mad dog. The whole procedure took just 30 mins but it feels like hours.

The ordeal did not stop there. When the LA went off, the pain was excruciating. I had to cancel my RT session.

I cant wait to get home. I have been hospitalised for more than 10 days.

Its Spring Time on my head!

Little baby hairs has started to grow. And thank god, its not curly. :-)

I am real Hot!

I broke my all time fever record this morning. It went up to 40.4 degrees. The scary thing about this is that I dont feel it at all. Remember when we get our usual fever, we get bodyaches and all. I dont get any of it. Funny. I'm at 37.3 degrees now.

I have decided to proceed with the kidney procedure. But I have asked the docs to postpone it till Tuesday. I need time to cite myself up.

My last post seems like I'm behaving like a princess. Let me explain. Since I was admitted last Monday, the docs have been sending my blood, urine, poo to test for infection. None of the tests came back positive. So that leaves with 2 possibilities, kidney infection or tumour fever.

Now, here's my case. Firstly, the CT scan shows that the kidney is not infected. It is only sligthly swollen. Secondly, the urologist who came said that I look too well for someone who have an infected kidney. Lastly, there is a high possibility that it is just tumour fever ( which is common).

However, the docs need me to go for the kidney procedure before they can diagnose that it is indeed tumour fever. I find this rather ridiculous.

Fever

Yay! Edmund got me my broadband today. I can now blog anywhere, even in the hospital.

The past few days werent too good for me. I was admitted since monday for fever. My fever does not seem to go off. I had very bad chills before each fever. It feels really lousy when you cant control your body. The massive shaking/shivering lasts for at least 15 mins.

Docs could not find the cause of the fever. They suspect that my left kidney is swollen and accumulating stale urine. I will be going for this PCN proccedure on Monday. A tube will be inserted to my kidney to drain out the urine. I will have a packet of urine stuck to my back. :( I really do not want to go through this, but am not able to convince my family. 2nd opinion says I should go through it too. Guess I have no choice now.

25th July - Happy Birthday, Shandy

Shandy's Updates

Location: Still in NUH
Condition: Still the same
Visiting Hours: Doctor's order - limited - fear of infection

Rgds
Brother...

P.S I am getting my sis a mobile broadband so that she can publish her own postings.

Fans of Shandy please stay tune....

From Shandy's Brother

Hi Everyone, my sis is currently in NUH undergoing some tests and scans.
Don't worry she is doing fine and she is her cheerful self.

You may drop her a sms if you want to visit her.

Obviously I don't have the same flair as her in writing blogs, so I shall just end here. :)

Cheers

Edmund Sim

Taste Buds

My taste buds have gone cranky since the Chemo. It is rather hilarious. Expect the unexpected. Anything that still tastes like what it should be is such a blessing.

Here's a sample:
Watermelon Juice = Soy Sauce
Cranberry Juice = Soy Sauce
Orange Juice = Soy Sauce
Bak Kwa = Bittergourd
Apple = Bittergourd

Luckily M&Ms bitter chocolates, which are high in antioxidents (very good for me), tastes the same. Oh ya, ice-cream too. Yums. :)

20 July 2008

6 down, 28 more to go.

On Thursday, the side effects fr0m the Chem0 came knocking. I was nauseous, my hands were numb (chemo destroys nerve endings) and I had FEVER. Fever is a taboo for Chemo patients because of the risk of infection. According to the friendly guide to Chemotherapy folder, I have to be rushed to the A&E if my temperature goes above 38 degress. I was at 38.2 degrees. Edmund and my mum rushed me to the A&E at NUH . This is when the nightmare began.

We got there at about 10pm. The A&E was very crowded, comprised of family members, nurses and police officers. I think for every patient admitted to the A&E, there would be at least 5 family members tagging along.

I was pushed to the waiting area to be attended. Nevermind that I was only attended 4 hours later, the waiting area was filled with germs. Yeeks. My immunity was very low and it would be terrible if i were to catch any other infections. Everytime someone coughs around me, I will adjust my mask. This is how paranoid I was.

It didnt help that there werent any wards available at that time. Therefore, I spent the whole night at the waiting area, with the germs. I didnt sleep at all. It was too noisy. :(

Over the past few days, my temperature has gone haywire. I was either sweating pints or shivering. Well, at least the docs say that my fever is not due to any infection.

I was given another pack of blood and was sent home. :)

No more A&Es for me.

Fertility

4 down, 30 to go.

As my ovaries get BBQed away, let me take this time to share my thoughts on this topic.

It was not long ago that I told my PoPo (maternal granny) that when Mr Right comes along, I'll get married and give her great-grandchildren quickly (not just one, at least two). I am not getting younger anymore, I'd better do so before my reproductive system shuts down. I can imagine how much joy the little babies will bring to the whole family. To me, having babies completes a family.

Now that I've gone for 4 sessions of RT, this hope no longer holds. Having to preserve my eggs will mean delaying the treatments further and thus risking my life. Anyway, surrogacy is not legalised in Singapore.

I cant write the wonderful feelings of motherhood till I have experienced it myself. I can never call someone my flesh and blood.

Its funny how the world revolves, some furtile couples doesnt want children and those who cant have children prays day and night for one.

On a brighter note, a fortune teller told me that I will recover and get married. He said my husband will love me for who I am. We will not have any children, but adoption is an option.

Well, if my prince never finds his way up the stairs, I will fall back on my famous Spinsterhood fund (That's another story).

Radioactive Girl is having a Whale of a Time

3 down, 31 to go.

My younger but much bigger brother, Edmund (affectionately called Edmundy by me) told me that while he was serving his national service, he would count down to the Operationally-Ready date. A tough day that has gone by is one tough day less to come.

I weighed in this morning. I have put on 3.4kg within a day because of the chemo and steriods. I feel like a whale.

Finally, I understand how Edmundy feels. Let's whale together.. :) kekekekekeke...

Fear

Long texted me a good quote today.

"Fear is finding fault with the future. If only we could keep in mind of how uncertain our future is, then we would never try to predict what could go wrong. Fear ends there."

I have no fear because everyone is praying for me.

I take this recovery process in stride, why worry that tomorrow will be a day of nasty side effects when it can be perfectly fine.

I will get well. :)

Beginning of Radioactive Girl

I have started on my weekly chemos and daily radiotherapy (RT).

Radiotherapy
2 down, 32 more to go. The RT process is not painful, the side effects are.

The RT room is a very dark room with soothing music and pictures of fishes sponsored by fuji film (I'm not joking). In the middle of it, its where the huge machine stands. I have to lie flat on the platform while the radiologists will align my tatoos to beams. The tatoos were made last week by applying ink, then piercing my skin. They are tiny. When everyone's ready, the radiologist will leave the room and the machine will beam around me. It takes a couple of minutes.

Since the 2 sessions, I have been burning inside. The extend of the beam is rather big because of the size of my tumour. I finally undestand what it means by "A Pain in the Ass".

My fertility will be gone after 4-5 sessions of RT.

Chemotherapy
The chemo that I received today was a mild one. Thank god I have some good veins on the back of my hands. They were nutured from years of battling with the shopping bags. The drips took almost 5 hours today. It hurts when the speed of the flow is increased. And yes, I feel all bloated again.. Docs warned me that I will be very nauseous.

Once again, gotta "Tar Han". This is going to work.

I am a Fish

Remember my mum and Andy were looking out for numbers on my forehead?

The number came out! We saw 3910, and the number that came out was 1390.

My uncle was the only one that won.

Didnt know I am a Luo Han Fish.

hahahaha...

10 July 2008

Things are not going well for me. It seems like my condition has deteriorated. No one has promised that it is going to be a smooth ride.

My blood count was only 7.8. The healthy range is above 10. I had my 1st blood tranfusion on tuesday. Although my blood count is not up to mark yet, it is now at 9.5.

The CT scan shows that my tumor has grown by 1cm on all dimensions after the 1st chemo. It is now 8cm x 7cm x 6cm. This is not a good sign, the cancer cells have won the battle in Round 1. The 2nd chemo has been called off by the doctors.

I will start on the standard treatments from tomorrow. Daily radiotherapy (RT) and weekly chemo. Hopefully this works.

My apologies for the missed calls and smses. This is one episode that I do not want to keep repeating.

I have to move on and I will get well.

Hairy Issue

The hair's gone.

Barber Andy came by to shave for me. While it wasnt easy for me, I am sure it wasnt easy for him as well. I was crying while he shaved. It took a lot of guts to do it. Thank you so much. I am very happy that one of my closest friends did the task.

Andy and my mum were looking out for 4 digits on my scalp to buy lottery! Hey!

Jen and Gin came to cheer for me. They have found a new way to say hi, by rubbing my head...

I feel very ugly in my new do, but I know I must do it. My hair was falling all over the place and I didnt want to go through the trauma of seeing it fall. Anyway, how attractive can I look while going through chemo. The higher Morphine dosage makes me sleep all the time, therefore my face is perpetually swollen.

The little hairs left on my head have started to drop too. Therefore the "white" areas are growing bigger. Its like a globe with the continents getting smaller by the day.

It feels really weird being bald. I feel like I'm wearing a hat all the time. Its chilly when I dont cover up.

The good thing about this is that shampooing takes a couple of seconds and it dries almost instantly. Styling takes no effort. :)

I will be warded from tomorrow for my next chemo. I will be there for about 4 days. Wish me luck.

Dont cry for me

Dear Friends and Relatives,

Please do not be sad after reading my blog. This is not my intention. I am not sad. Life goes on.

This is just a tough patch for me. I will survive.

Sometimes, I even forget that I have cancer. :D

3 July 2008

Tuesday morning was bad. The pain on my abdomen has increased and spread to my back. It was so painful that I could barely lie down, sit or walk.

I called up NUH and was told to proceed to A&E. Luckily Aunty Judy managed to get my Oncologist to see me directly. Unless it is a life and death situation, the wait at the A&Es are usually very long.

I stayed in for 2 nights. The docs doubled my Morphine dosage from 2.5ml to 5ml. At night, I get 10ml. The pain is more or less controlled. I have not slept so much for years.

Good News! My kidneys and liver functions are fine. I have always been very paranoid about my kidneys because the doc says that the tumor on my pelvic is pressing against the ureter (that’s the tube that urine is stored). If it is blocked completely, they might have to puncture my left kidney.

However, my blood count is on the low side. She says that if it drops further, I will need transfusion. My mum is going to boil more liver soup for me. Hopefully, it will be within range when I go back to NUH on Monday.

My hair is everywhere. Every time I run my fingers through my hair, at least 5 strands will drop off. I have put all the strands beside my pillow and they are forming into huge clumps. They look like fur balls. My dear friends, Andy and Jen have volunteered to shave for me on Saturday. I will post the pics and videos.

Please do not worry for me when you hear that I am in hospital. It is going to be very common in the next few months. I am very well taken care of during my stays. I am good at pressing the buzzer.